It honestly started with me soaking up some Chattahoochee River radiance. Silently watching the river flow. Unimpeded in parts. Working its way around rocks, four legs of friends frolicking in its streams, winding through hills and trees in others. The sun beaming down through a cloudless sharp blue February sky.
It wasn’t enough though.
Today, I wasn’t feeling it. Life. Could attribute it to being off my sleep schedule, I didn’t meditate, OR, is it possible this is the emotional display of my enoughness of being in Georgia. What it represents, the whispers of what I couldn’t or didn’t accomplish or the very present feeling of “YOU DON”T BELONG HERE ANYMORE”. The what feels like constant confusion of deciphering which friendships were real and should be rekindled and which ones were me just getting sucked dry by the cast of emotional vampires I perpetually allow in my life. More likely than not, it was all of the above.
Peoples conversations were irking me. I felt exposed being out of doors. I went home in the middle of the day, wrapped myself in a warm blanket and hung it up.
Lights out. Back to sleep. Start it over again when you wake up Miss.
While rather sensical in nature, I’ll not blame it totally on that. I saw an old friend and their new (to me) partner. It’s been five years. Which explains why their flame is gone. They are totally together out of ease and utility. It was weird to behold. Especially since I’m questing for my Love. And more than anything that was probably what was wrong with me. The cognizance around my own distance. It’s un-desiredness. Its inherent necessity.
So I slept. Refusing to focus on the what is for the whats coming. My bright brilliant bold future.