"when i say "i have no chill" what i mean is:
1. when the depression hits i believe that no matter my choices, i will fail at anything i attempt and constantly increase my suffering
2. when the other thing hits i believe that all of my plans will come to fruition and act accordingly, i.e. without forethought or critical thinking.
the first one fears the second, the second one violently hates the first. there are no other options"