A gay couple I know is ready to order up a new baby boy from the Baby Boy Factory and are conflicted over which model to choose. They're particularly conflicted over the question of a hood ornament.
To bris or not to bris?
Though neither is Jewish, you know if that's even a question, they're both circumcised themselves, and have no idea why. Americans of a certain generation are unique in having suffered the unkindest snip on their way out the door, without regard to religious affiliation. When they consider whether to do the same to their sons it's mostly a question of aesthetics for them, although they'll sometimes try to dress it up as a public health emergency, too.
As purely a matter of taste, so to speak, I do tend to prefer members as God intended. Well, not the Hebrew G-d, bless 'im, who ingeniously designed the human penis with foreskin so that rich old bubbes would have a ready supply of wrinkle cream. That Yahweh: always thinking ahead! But Nature? Her purposes were probably more pedestrian: like a place to hide your heroin.
I have a feeling this argument will not prove persuasive. So, ok, once it's done, to paraphrase Lady Macbeth, it's done. Hopefully it's done with care. People can be very cavalier with other people's genitalia, as we all know. Aesthetically, I think most of us like most things intact. You wouldn't buy a bureau missing a drawer, or a chair missing a leg. But when it comes right down to it, inner beauty, yadda yadda yadda,right?
I mean, admittedly, penises don't really have an inner beauty. Inner strength, yes, that's the hope. But you'd never say of one, it has a nice personality. It doesn't. They're temperamental, crass, and messy. They're all up in your face when they're not up your ass. They rarely know where they're going, and get there at great cost to whomever they're dragging along. They're sort of the cab drivers of human appendages.
It's almost as if Hobbes was really thinking of penises (and/or cabbies) when he came up with "nasty, brutish and short". And yet, just as life can be long and beautiful if not cut short, so, too, penises.
But functionality and aesthetics aside -- after all, there is no accounting for taste -- let's talk cold hard cash.
My advice to my friends is: if you're going to get the kid cut, why not get a cut yourself? According to some crazy bitches on the internet, the resale value of one foreskin is, like, three grand a square foot! Who has a square foot of foreskin, you ask? (My Polish fuckbuddy Jacek, but that's another story.) Check this out: scientists can get a football field worth of bio-engineered skin from a single foreskin! That’s 4 acres of new skin, almost 175,000 square feet!
That's a cool $525 million!
And your bubbe will thank you.