I saw the most gorgeous blue-eyed college kid today in the locker room at the gym. We had both just finished our workouts, and I’d already decided I was going straight home (I’d forgotten a key for the locker, and didn’t want to leave my valuables in my gym bag unattended). He was strutting around in a white towel with another under his arm. Two towels could only mean one thing: a trip to the sauna was in order. Looks may or may not have been exchanged, triangulated through mirrors while I lingered at the washbasin and he stood at the urinal.
There was nothing for it but to go home and check Missed Connections.
There’s been a lot of talk recently about the Greatest Craigslist Missed Connection ever. But while it’s fun to imagine Missed Connections as a kind of accidental literary ‘zine, it’s not really a missed connection unless it’s really a missed connection, you know? Part of the fun of Missed Connections is that people really post them.
I’m not knocking that other parlor game of trying to guess if they’re really for real. Because in amongst the “this is a longshot”s and “tell me what I was wearing so I’ll know it’s you”s there are what must be subtle parodies, missed connections of their own in a way. But it’s the ones you just don’t know for sure that are the most intriguing. Why just now I found two that drew me right in…
"Hottie with cane – m4m – 30 (Harvard Yard)
You were walking through Harvard yard around 6:35pm today. We checked eat each other out. You were older with cane. Blck/Brwn. Describe what I was doing/wearing when you hit me back"
This suggests to me that the author struck the elderly man with the cane, and the latter struck him back, perhaps with the cane as well. Is there any other way to interpret this?
“What was I doing when you hit me back?”
Absconding with your briefcase? Howling in pain as you mercilessly caned me? Thinking of a safe word? Lurching away in terror?
"we were at middleton jail together – m4m – 29 (middleton)
you were so sweet to me this summer.
remember how sad you were when you missed
your daughters high school graduation and still made her
that so cool pop up card?
i think i fell in love with you John
well i am out and i would love to see you
you got bailed out in june
you raped a guy on a massage table…
rape me? xoxo"
Orange is the new… blech.
Actually that second one seems closer to craigslist quintessence than some hipster’s designer impostor Missed Connection. These dudes didn’t just spend a few minutes making eyes at each other on the subway. They were in lock-down, one of them for rape. The pen is mightier than the sword, they say. And truth? It’s rapier than fiction.