A moment in despondency
I’ve been figuring stuff out… I’m exhausted. My thoughts often linger and ponder on vivid ideas of life expectancy. I have no direction, stumbling in a dark tunnel, heading towards the light. Life is so tangled with decision-making, responsibilities, finding your destiny and finding happiness. How do I untangle?
My brain boils at the attempt… I’m exhausted! Music and reading seems to calm my mind, but I actually float in a state of vacuum thoughts. I don’t think it’s depression, I’ve been better lately… could be lying to myself (I do that a lot lately). I am only writing this down, because I am so lost I don’t remember how to pray anymore. God is so distant yet always there with me.
It’s so frustrating, I could stop breathing and close my eyes, experience the numbness of my muscles. Your heart seems to beat faster when you stop breathing, as if it’s screaming “snap out of it!” I’m reluctant to act on it.