I've never been a pretty drag queen. My eyes are generally wonky and my lipliner is always fucked. However, I've always entertained the notion of my drag someday being conventionally glamourous.
Since I've started performing 4 years ago my characters have always been messy. I'm a trash queen through and through, but much of it has never been intentional, just a side effect of learning and always being a performer first and a makeup artist and costume designer last.
I see my current incarnation to be in many ways a microcausm of my life in general - a mashed up mania of a person who has always asipred to feel conventionally attractive, or elegant, or polished - but who in the process of these attempts just ends up grotesque in a manner that causes either instant acceptance or rejection. As a self portrait artist I give myself the only opportunity I have to frame myself with the authenticity of my intent. Everything else is left to interpretation.
I am perpetually a 5 year old with crayons trying to draw the Mona Lisa.