“Friday the 13th, 2017 (True Stories of Domestic Bliss)” by Richard F. Yates (and Mariah Yates)
As I place my toaster pastry in the toasting device, I’m singing my newest song, “Battle of the Redneck Weasel Cats,” and several weasel cats are swarming by my legs trying to trip me as I sing. Mariah (“The Boss”) comes into the kitchen about this time and asks, “Why are they rednecks? They haven’t worked a day in their lives?” And I think about it for a second, wondering why she isn’t bothered that I’m calling them “weasels,” and I answer, “They’ve fought spiders. That’s kinda like work. So they’ve worked at least three or four days in their lives… Gitzy (the oldest) has maybe worked five.” And so our Friday the 13th has begun!
—Richard F. Yates
P.S. – I returned to the kitchen to grab my toaster pastry from the toasting device as Mariah is lowering a meat cube into the crock pot and tossing in chopped vegetation to keep it company. I say, “Do we have a meat cube in the kitchen?” And she says, “Don’t judge the meat cube. It will clothe us and feed us and save us.” And I pause for a moment—then say, “I don’t know if I want to be clothed by a meat cube,” and I try to figure out how she stacked so many plates so high in the cupboard while balancing a cup at a 45 degree angle on top of the stack. She says, “You’ve never been clothed by a meat cube. You might like it.” And I say, “This stack of dishes is totally, non-Euclidean geometry. How did you do this?” And she says, “Don’t touch it! You’re going to ruin it!” And I leave the kitchen. And so our Friday the 13th continues!!!
["All hail meat cube!!" ---Mariah Yates]
#humor #absurdism #writing #domesticbliss