Some people only say "And and And and and and and AND AND and and"
but I've been trying to remember the good things. So here's one of them. I hope she stays in my life for good.
Bare, a soft queer boi; things get hard a lot of the time. I can't afford my medical bills, so I have to prioritize which parts of me are most important to save, keep safe. I prioritize my hormone therapy because it balances my body and mental state; it allows me to live in a body with less triggers. For some time, I was fortunate enough to be able to afford and prioritize my mental health & sought therapy & medications for the first time ever. I learned so many things along the way & I always do, but not always in a healthy way, in a safe environment, etc.
I found a picture that I love of F. and I.... Halloween; I had not dressed up since I was a kid & this year my partner and I dressed up as Frank N Furter & Columbia and actually went to see the show live at a local theater. Due to my anxiety, self-suppression, & lack of support from friends and family I could never really be quite me or do the things I wanted to do. No one seemed to genuinely enjoy them or me.... always wanted to change the important things. Until this lady.
F. & me love, fiercely. She is a hairstylist (finally someone to support my hope to grow out my hair. As my stylist.. she knew I want it long, so no matter how much I complain, she refuses to cut it!! Just trims now..😂😂😂😍💕💕💕) As my best friend and partner, she validates me, watches me heal, & supports me ++++!touchs me in the safest and sexiest of ways.
Memory to keep for all times. Tonight, april 25th:
I didnt know she was sad all day on her day off, but I knew she wasnt feeling good so I kissed and rubbed her back for a while when she woke up from a nap. When I was done, she rolled over and was crying & so I held her.
The first thing she said was
"I wish I knew I would meet you. Youre so wonderful.
I dont feel like enough to deserve you."
To which I smiled at and said,
"I know, right? & doesnt that feel so silly?"
Just a few days ago I felt like dead weight, a burden on her. & she lifted it without even knowing it was there just by showing me her feelings and true self.
how soft & fragile everyone can be.