I love our boat.
I love the up and down on the waves, I love the cold wind, I love the sun on my face, I love the rain drumming on the cockpit tent. I love sleeping in my bunk, when I pull the curtains apart I can see the stars in clear nights. I love the sound of the waves hitting the hull. I love how the soft rolling lulls me to sleep like an infant in a cradle.
I hate our boat.
I hate the fears and nightmares, I hate the flashbacks of things that never happened. I hate waking up at four in the morning from dreams so terrible I forget them instantly. I hate wandering around lonely islands, watching the sun rise, feeling unsettled and with my heart in my throat. I hate feeling like I can’t breathe.
I hate our boat, I love it so much, it’s terrifying.