today i have been doing a lot of thinking so this will be more coherent than most of the cryptic shit i put on here. international women's day has rolled around and it's the first one i have experienced while being genderqueer, outside of womanhood. last year it was a really good and positive day for me, and i felt empowered both by myself and others, sharing love of our gender identity and speaking out against our barriers.
women love each other fiercely.
now i am excluded from this
and i know that it is not contra me specificalmente ma sento un po' strano, i feel alienated. i have become an alien in an environment that welcomed me with open arms once. i am alone and no one is here to comfort me, to talk with me about what it's like to leave womanhood and become an outsider; all my genderqueer friends have left the other end of the binary, all my trans friends have found love and acceptance in the popularization of the trans rights movement.
i am a shadow. i am a thought in passing, though i pass for nothing.
i want to strip myself of all things that call me a woman but it will leave me without the only warm community i have ever known.
i feel cold, empty.