I think the worst mental state is the one where you're constantly questioning what other people must think about you. It's pretty fucking agonizing. You don't want to ask the people in question for fear they would either get upset with you or that they might be lying. It takes hold of your mind and you remember all of the stupid things you've said or done around them and you wonder if they remember too.
But they probably don't. Or maybe they do. You try and convince yourself they don't really care either way, because we all say and do stupid shit sometimes. Sometimes. But what if it's all the time? What if you fuck up more often than others? Or worse than others?
You want to apologize all the time but before you say anything, you realize that it's would probably just annoy them hearing you apologize constantly. Sorry doesn't mean anything if nothing's going to change right?
But then you realize you're just being stupid. That this is all just an overreaction. You've struggled with anxiety for years; that's all this is. Your friends love you. It's just anxiety taking hold. You're better than this, you know how to cope. So why aren't you doing it? Why aren't you coping? Why are you starting to doubt your sudden increase in confidence?
And then the cycle repeats until you're exhausted and you lay in bed staring out the window hoping it will all be better in the morning. "It's always better in the morning," you say, "you'll make it through this."
And you try not to think about what might happen when it's not better the next morning, and the next, and the next, until you're back where you were only a few years ago, falling asleep a sobbing mess unable to get up for days on end and your life slowly falls apart around you.
God I hope that doesn't happen again.