This past year has had life-lessons abounding.
Friendships, relationships, work, leisure, life goals, health, tragedy. It has been strenuous. Attempts to understand why things are the way they are and why I can’t change them, why I shouldn’t change them, and how to manage the emotional side of them, are questions with answers I hope I don’t forget any time soon. I’m at the peak of my life. I am informed that this is the time where I am allowed to make mistakes, burn bridges, ruckus and enjoy freedom; all the same while narrowing a path to follow, setting myself up for the rest of my life, being responsible. I can’t have two and be successful at being human, or so I’m told.
Human’s, as an average, need a social interaction in order to “build character” and identify with each other. Having friendships and people to trust can give one the feeling of being needed. And in my observations, humans just need to feel needed.
In the past twelve months, I have been ignored, humiliated, lied to, even abandoned, by the few people I believed I could trust. The people I viewed as friends. After foolishly accepting this cycle to repeat itself several times, I have taught myself to be less surprised, and more honest. I find that the more honest you are, the more alone you are. And that’s how society is. Because, to be honest, slaughtering yourself, your beliefs and your integrity for the cause of acceptance within this neurotic lifestyle, is the only way to be a piece of the same puzzle. But if you have seven billion pieces, all the same shape and size (and let’s be honest, almost all the same colour) you will never see the full picture.
Basically, I am tired of bending myself to meet the obscure ideals and needs of other people.
Work is life. And this is a statement that even reversed, I have intentions to disprove. I have never sought after a life bound to a career, a life of doing something because I have to regardless of whether I enjoy it. It’s something that for hundreds of years, has been drilled right through the minds of every single person in today’s world and no one ever dares to look through the gaping hole. No matter what your beliefs are, you are here in this world, and you have to spend your life working ridiculous ‘jobs’ to pay for it. I live in a country that shouts “FREE” anytime we’re compared to another. Yet I can’t live here if I don’t pay tax or vote or work. What this world has, is a bunch of men and women telling us that we don’t deserve to live in it. Don’t any of you think about this? This world is massive compared to one of us, all of us even. And it’s controlled by standards and money. Money isn’t even a physical thing anymore. You’re looking at a bunch of numbers on a screen, that someone typed, and apparently that’s what gives us food and water. Has it ever occurred to you, that food and water exist? Physically exist? The only reason you have to ‘pay’ for it is because bribery is in play. And if you ever became aware that you can create and sustain your own supply of food and water, you’re threatened with the words “out of business”. You wouldn’t need a payed business if everyone was doing it themselves.
But oh no, they must scare us. Fear is what feeds the fiend. Without fear, there is no control. Scaring and dumbing down society is what the elite want. They wouldn’t be the elite if they treated everyone equal.
Along with all these realisations and self-discoveries, the emotional and mental factors have played part in making things seem worse than they need to be. Being one of many who suffer from anxiety and existential crisis on a day-to-day basis, trying to find reason and contentment with they way things are is more than a struggle. I don’t agree with this world’s human structure. I am severely depressed that we live the way we do, yet I am numb to the inevitable outcomes.
I doubt I will ever change the world or anyone’s opinion. I don’t think I could ever start a movement to release individual freedom from the grasps of greedy hands. I don’t believe in a god that can save anyone. We are as we are because we are, because that’s what we’re told to be, and I am not OK with that.