Today, one of my oldest and dearest friends is getting married to a wonderful person. They're a great couple, and I'm really happy and excited for them.
One of the more bittersweet things about being a naturally introspective person is that I tend to reflect on big milestones like this as Life Events, rather than just being excited for the occasion. I find myself thinking about the validity of marriage as an institution, and wondering what kind of relationship model I would like for myself in the long term.
I know I don't want to look for (or end up in) a monogamous relationship, but do I want a life partnership with one other person? Does that include marriage? Does that include children? What about two other people? What about integrating myself into an existing couple or group? Some of the options in front of me feel outlandish, but I'm open to wanting and trying pretty much anything... including the possibility that 40 will loom in the near future and I'll want nothing more than a monogamous marriage with babies.
In the long term, will I be content with the arrangement I have now, which is semi-single with a couple of budding or existing secondary partnerships?
More importantly, will I ever let myself fall in love or make a commitment without overthinking ALL THE TIME?
To a certain extent, all of this is navel-gazing. Today I'm happy with today. I have meaningful connections with great people, relationships that are growing and getting better all the time, and a stronger sense of myself and my priorities than I've ever had before. There are some big questions in my mind, but today I'm pretty content just letting them be questions.
It's a great day for a white wedding.