Went to therapy. I feel pretty badly that she wants to help me, but I'm pretty set on suicide. I told her that nothing is going to change that really, unless my life changes drastically. I can't make the things happen that need to happen for me to want to live. For one thing, the pain has to go, and my brain has to get better. For another, I need to move out of this big house into a smaller house. For another, I need to have something to be responsible for, since losing my job is this major loss for me, one that usually men go through when they retire. She wants to put me in the hospital but I told her she would only be adding to my worries at this point. She's nice, but I think she's used to dealing with people that aren't organized and don't consider big picture thinking. I'm not afraid, and I'm not concerned about messing things up. All things will happen in due time. Until then, I suffer.