I'd rather have a bad thing happen than a good thing disguised as a bad thing
I am here but
Am not allowed.
I know &
i feel &
I ache because i know.
I feel nothing but i
Let's play pretend.
Let's pretend that this
Let's pretend that i am
Let's pretend that you like me.
I was always the best at
But i hated going back, back to the
Except that, eventually i
learned to still play
pretend even after going back.
That's why I'm here, but not allowed anything.
That's why i ache without
Because I've learned to fake existing.
I'm pretending to be alive, but I'm without
any use, I'm just
in the way.
I'm taking up space.
It's absurd how things work, how existence can be so
intricate & so
miraculous & yet so convoluted &
My soul is a diamond. I know how bad things can get, but i just
keep myself busy, i just keep playing pretend & waiting for that
moment when i
won't have to any
#poetry #poem #heartbreak #depressed