Today, I had a really fun meditation. I was standing in a meadow, by a stream, asking what I needed to know for today.
Okay, now I can't help that this is what showed up. I blame a childhood filled with Bible classes:
I looked up, and saw a golden chariot(!) appear from the sky. It landed next to me, I got in and we were off, I flew over many types of terrain. I had a bad moment when I saw a wintery landscape (had enough of those in my life, IMHO), but I flew right on over it and landed in a village.
I immediately felt safe, accepted, and appreciated as an important part of the community. And I felt the aame way about the community. No particular person showed up, except S.
I was aware of all of my friends, D, M, MF, K, to name a few, but there were other people there too. Some who I haven't met yet. Business acquaintances, clients, just a whole slew (a village full!) of people there to co-create my world with me.
It was a fantastic feeling. I haven't felt that secure in my place in the world since I was a teenager with a wonderful group of friends.
And S? I was standing in my doorway, urging him to come in and visit for awhile. He refused. Instead he got a chair and planted himself next to my doorway. Determined to protect me from anyone who might hurt me. In my vision, I preferred him inside with me, but that's not what he wanted to do. He's the most stubborn person I've ever met (besides myself) so I just let him.
So now, according to my vision, I have a big angry dude sitting outside my door, and following me around, glowering at everyone, making sure no one hurts me, while I get on with the business of creating my ideal life.
I've been working on receiving the last few days. I'm not good at it. I use giving as a offensive defense. But the idea of being loved, accepted and appreciated for who I am, not just what I give, is a wonderful feeling. I can feel how receiving from others will actually allow me to give more to others, as I can do so from a place of support.
That's what I saw. I don't know why I saw that about S. Over the last year or two, here's what I've seen. I have no way to judge the accuracy of anything:
It used to be that I saw him as busily ignoring me while still keeping an eye on me. But very much not wanting anything to do with me. (Confirmed in real life!)
Then, he was trying hard to stay afloat swimming in the middle of the ocean during a terrible storm. Eventually, he was washed up on the beach next to me, half-dead. I standing over his body with a shining white sword in my hand, creating space for him to heal.
Finally, recently, I've seen muself sitting on the sand, with him standing guard over me with his own shing white sword.
A few days ago, I had a funny vision of me standing in front of my house. He was looking at me very seriously. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. He turned and started walking away. I thought he was leaving. Instead, he started gathering building materials and both angrily and determinedly built a guard house in front of my house.
I don't consciously think these things about him. He'll just show up in my meditations and those are the things I see.
If it's true, it's a nice, safe feeling. If it's all in my head, it's still a nice safe feeling.
I'm not going to be assuming it's true, (like I won't be calling asking for help anytime soon), but it's pretty fun to see and feel.
That's what I saw. Welcome to my mind. You be the judge. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out in my village.