Every time I look at this view, I'm grateful for the forces that brought me to this location during a very dark time in my life. I'm grateful I had the time to spend countless hours, in all kinds of weather, staring at it.
I'm content now though to visit when I can. After work, weekends...I'm enjoying working in an office tremendously. I already know full-time office work isn't something I want to do for long, but it's been really fascinating to interact with all kinds of people. My co-workers, vendors, customers, etc. I learn something (or remember) something about myself every day.
I need more time to travel, develop the program with the horses, etc. But for now, I'm happy to go to work every day. After 14 years away from that routine, this is new and fresh!
The office manager still isn't calling or emailing back. But at this point, it's so absurd that I truly think she must be off her rocker. Her failure to respond to me is affecting the company. It's a long story, but she's not doing herself any favors. In fact, I can't shake the feeling that she's digging her own grave.
I actually like her, when she's not doing this passive-aggressive craziness. I hope she gets it together. But considering some of the things we're finding out, there are bigger problems than merely ignoring me. (She responds to everyone else, just not me.) I can see why she wouldn't want someone looking too closely at her work product. Though they would have found out eventually.
I don't spend too much time worrying about it though. The decision isn't mine. I do know that I'm not going accept any position that would require me to depend on her for anything at all. I don't think it will be a problem however. One way or another.
I thought I would be envious of S, traveling around, but I'm so immersed in my own joyful creation (however modest at this point), that I'm really happy right where I'm at.
In a week and a half, it'll be three years from my original sobriety date. The one that really counts for me, because it's when I started crawling out of my grave (almost literally).
Who'd have thought I'd be where I am. Not with work. I knew I'd find a job. But with my love of life and all the wonderful people in it. And my genuine excitement to see what unfolds.
Three long years that mysteriously flew by and took pain, resentment and fear with them; and left love, acceptance and appreciation in their wake.
All that action happened while sitting quietly, watching that view.