I love the feeling of staying dry(ish) under an umbrella.
It was pouring the rain tonight. (Went to a meeting.) Thank God I have a heavy car with all-wheel drive. I went through some flooded areas that I couldn't see were flooded because of the whole dark and stormy night thing. At least it's not windy. Once I got home, it felt luxurious to pull into a covered garage and get out of my car safe from the elements.
I took my dog out as soon as I got home. I put on a heavy parka, already had my boots on, and took him to the dog run not too far from the back door. It's down a short flight of stairs, at ground-level. I stepped of the last stair in into at least four inches of water.
Yay boots! They're waterproof, so my feet stayed dry and toasty. Because it was so dark, I hadn't seen that the entire area was covered with several inches of water. We went to the park instead. I have good gear for rainy days, so all was well. It's a lovely feeling to be out in the rain, but warm and dry. Can't say the same for my dog, but he's a working breed, so the water rolls off his double coat. He's asleep on my bed now. Perfectly happy.
I went to a meeting that I attended religiously when I first got sober, then started taking my free Sunday nights to have time for myself for several months. I've been going more often. And, it's now in a much nicer place. It's a cross-talk meeting, and now in a small room with the chairs arranged facing one another. Much better for that type of meeting. (Word on the street is that it's S' doing. There was a pest issue with the other place, so he found a different space. This one is much better anyway for a number of reasons. I, for one, am grateful.)
The setting was perfect tonight, with the rain coming down in a deluge, but us all cozy inside. The speaker was really good. The topic was Honesty. It's a small enough meeting there's usually time for everyone to share.
I talked about these pages, and how being really disciplined about writing almost daily about the things I write about has helped me be really honest with myself. This exercise in vulnerability (i.e. - I'm going to write what I want, be it boring, stupid, crazy, whiny, etc, and not worry about what other people think of me), has taught me how to be honest with myself. About what I want. About my attitudes and unconscious motivations and triggers. I don't go back and re-read stuff (Though I had to a few months ago. Long story), but I remember when I first started. I had all these feelings and resentments and wanting things to be the way I wanted them...sure, that stuff is still there. But I'm much quicker to catch it these days. And there's a lot less of it. I've learned, through honesty, to really understand what makes me tick. What I need to release and where I need to grow.
So even on days like today, where I'm sleepy and looking forward to closing my eyes until it's time to wake up and meditate (And coffee. That first sip of the day is pure heaven), I gladly take a few minutes to process my day here. Step by step, I'm learning not just who I am now, or was in the past, but who I want to be.