Today I was thinking about resistance, and how exhausting I find it to engage anything with resistance. Though sometimes it's necessary. Like with my ex. With him, I just long for the day when the kids are grown and we can have little to do with one another. He's not a bad guy, but he's so unhappy and controlling. Of all the people in my life, he's definitely the most difficult and unpleasant.
As to everyone else, I can just move aside and let them be them without taking myself entirely away. So far. That's very different from the beginning of 2015, where I really, really struggled with how to interact with people who weren't behaving as I wanted them to. 2015 was a good year. I learned it's entirely possible to care about someone, and to continue to care after accepting that for whatever reason, a close relationship with interaction in a manner I prefer isn't possible. I really have a lot of peace these days around things that used to cause me so much angst.
I also learned that what other people say and do says nothing about me. Of course we've all heard that, but I had a lot of trouble internalizing it over the years. It's always a good idea to check in and make sure my behavior is reasonable, but I tried so hard, for years, to be "okay" with things I didn't like. To rationalize, and honestly, to not see what people were actually telling me about themselves. I finally realized that I didn't need to be "okay" with anything. Paradoxically, I then became "okay" with many more things. Since it was just something someone was doing. Not a statement of my worth. Not to me anyway.
Resistance really is futile. Interestingly, turns out the only thing I was resisting was myself. More on that later.