Tonight's full moon photo.
Tonight, I was thinking about arrogance, and how a little bit isn't such a bad thing. Or more properly, many people, who don't feel their own worth, look at someone who does, and can deem them arrogant.
I've done that. And as I became more comfortable with my own worthiness, I began to see that being certain of my own worth often feels like arrogance to me. I catch myself, when I'm proud of something I've done, or even considering qualities that I like about myself, thinking that I better hurry up and acknowledge my lack of specialness. As though I can't appreciate my value without making it a comparative thing. I don't even know how to do that.
In my heart, I truly do believe that everyone is valuable. I don't have to talk myself into that. Yet I find myself justifying feelings of self-worth with immediate thoughts that, "I'm not so great, everyone else is just as great...." As if I need to explain to myself that I'm not a jerk.
Over these last few months, as I've began to explore my expanded inner world, and work to get my outer world looking the way I want it to, I run up against that conditioned block every single day. I'm looking forward to the moment when I can think to myself, "I'm great, and I deserve wonderful things!" and leave a deafening silence at the end of that thought, with no impulse to fill it with qualifiers.