Good Lord, I just noticed I can now add paragraphs from my laptop. This is a whole new world, people.
Sadly, I have nothing to say. Though I'm fully aware that I always say that, then go on and on...
I've been running into people left and right who are going through things that I went through myself. It's so lovely to be able to take my experience and empathize with them.
Like, last week, a woman came into LS. She'd had a pint before arriving to stop the DTs. She was in a low place. Every time she managed to be sober for a few days, loneliness and depression set in and she drank again. I was able to share my experience and struggles with relapse and now recovery, with her. I know exactly what she was talking about. Especially how scary the DTs are. You don't want to drink, but you have to, because it literally feels as though you might die. You can barely walk. Your hands, lips and tongue don't work right. You can't even talk. Then, a couple of ounces of alcohol, and you feel just fine. Then you feel so good you want to feel even better, so you have more...
Slippery slope, and I was there. Down to coming to meetings after drinking just enough to stop the DTs. She was so relieved that she wasn't alone.
I don't know how her story will end. I gave her my number. I hope she calls. Honestly, all of that struggle with relapse, depression, and loneliness, feels worth it, to be able to help someone else going through the same thing.
I had lunch with a friend today who's struggling with maintaining a friendship that feels really unbalanced to her (and seems unbalanced to me too from what she described). I was grateful that I had personal experience with letting go of friends you truly love. I know her struggle exactly. Trying to make what you want fit with the reality of what is.
Seeing clearly, deciding what you want, and taking action if you what you want doesn't align with what the other can offer. That's one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned. I had to learn it a few times, but this last one was the worst and hardest. Well, you heard all about it, so you know. (Not all about it. That was one of those, "Clear your calendar for the next two months" situations.)
These past few years, whenever things were really bleak, I got through it thinking, "Maybe my experience will help someone else someday." That's honestly what kept me relatively sane. I was bound and determined to make my pain count for something besides just pain.
So anyway, tonight I don't have much to say. Just that I'm glad it wasn't all for naught. But you know, I'm ready to be able to empathize with people when everything is going just right. I think I'm getting there. Sort of. Less bad? I'll take it!