Tonight's photo(s) is of me. Taken a week apart.
Notice how relaxed I am on the one on the left (today's photo)? I finally got a job! I look like I instantly lost about five years.
I don't know exactly how it's going to go. I'm filling in for two months for the office manager, but they specifically wanted me to take the job, because they need other help with the development and asset management side of things once that gig is over. This could be a really great thing! Or it could just be two months of paying my bills and not having to scramble. I'm pretty sure this is going to turn into a long-term opportunity though.
It shouldn't interfere with the experiential learning stuff either. They already know I have the workshop on Maui planned for the fall. (Now I just have to make sure I get enough participants!) I can do the other activities on the weekends for now, which is when most people are available anyway.
During my morning meditation, I remembered my 5th birthday. I remember jumping up and down on my bed, looking out the window and thinking excitedly, "I'm five today! I'm going to remember this moment forever!" And I have.
I asked why this particular memory. Because honestly, it often makes me sad. As though I've failed hopeful five year-old me. But the answer was, "Don't be sad. Remember that joy, hope and expectant optimism. Feel that today." Emotions are just energy. And sometimes the energy of things like joy are impossible to achieve on demand. But I've found that these days, I'm a lot better at noticing my feelings, and looking at where my thoughts are going when I have them. If it's a feeling I don't like, I change my thoughts, to get to the slightly better feeling. And then a slightly better one after that. A lot of people have written about it. But actually putting it into practice took some doing!
So, despite adult me wanting to be serious, I let five year-old me take over. And went about my morning excited for what the day would bring. I hit a snafu when I was late for lunch with M, as I received an assignment as a leasing agent for this weekend and I had to deal with the details of that before I could leave. But I quickly bounced back to happy and excited. We sat on the patio at Quinn's and chatted in the sun. Then my phone rang and I rudely took the call, as it was my account manager. She told me I got the office manager position. And, she was able to find someone else to do the leasing agent job, so I have my weekend ahead of me to utterly, for the first time in a very long time, relax for a minute.
I dropped M off, then headed for the barn. I was so dazed, I wasn't sure I should be driving. But I made it. Then I spent the entire afternoon hanging out with the horses and my friends at the barn. That calmed me down and I felt much more centered. And relaxed. And excited. And grateful.
Things are going to be busy. It's time for that to happen. I'm so glad I had all this time to turn inward. But I'm ready to truly rejoin the world. Hopefully with some wisdom about leading a balanced and amazing life. I am excited, and joyful, and all of those other things my five year-old self knew how to be. I guess I haven't changed so much after all.