S once asked me what I saw in him. "Why me?" I said I didn't know. I just knew I was drawn to him. If you want to know what I see in him, I'll tell you. I see pure perfect silvery light. Flawless and liquid. (I see the same thing in M too, BTW.) But there's little to no access to it. Not for me, not for anyone. I don't know what happened to him. But he's encased himself in armor and gone into battle (with a windmill or two in addition to real foes. Me being one of those windmills IMHO.) It's hard for me to even notice the armor. I keep looking past it, then am surprised when I run into it. That's why it always feels strange to me that we're not friends. I keep thinking, "Oh, there's my friend S. I'll just go say hi." Then before I know it I'm bouncing off the armor. So I keep having these "what the hell just happened" moments. It used to really bother me than I didn't just move on. But I finally decided that if I was supposed to move on, I would. After all, I've moved on from many different people, some who used to be close friends. I never found it all that difficult. So, though I'm focusing on other things and people, I still keep one eye on the armor, waiting for it the moment he decides to remove it. If that ever comes. In the meantime, he's in my dreams a lot. We have many adventures. Usually we're together but separate. Kind of making our own way then getting back together to exchange stories. That's the way it feels as though it's supposed to be. But you know, the Australian aboriginal tribes believe that dreams are just as, if not more important, than our waking sensations. So perhaps that's the way it is already. So there you go S, you're a shiny object. And we already know I can never resist those.