I've been liking this song recently.
Sometimes I think about drinking. A cold gin martini or three sounds good after a long day of work or play. But you know, I'm not really tempted. I used to think I drank to escape what others were doing. But now, of course, I know I drank to escape that voice in my head that had some important things to say, and demanded I listen.
Actually settling down and listening to my thoughts with a clear head was painful and overwhelming. I have a lot to say! And I wasn't used to honoring my own hopes, thoughts and feelings.
Now, I look forward to whatever my thoughts are telling me. They're a barometer of what I'm manifesting. Sometimes it seems that it would feel good to indulge thoughts of resentment and victimhood. But now I know from experience that thoughts of hope and appreciation feel so much better. So I use my negative thoughts to guide me to a better feeling place; and a better-feeling place leads me to thoughts that engender optimism, confidence and joy.
Why would I want to give up that sensitivity and connection with myself? So even if I could have just one martini (which I've proven definitively that I cannot) I don't want it.
I've said it before, and I still believe it. Taking a flying leap off a cliff into a sea of booze ended up being a great gift. Of course, I was lucky that my drinking never had any real negative consequences. That makes me more sanguine about the whole thing. And in a position to look back and compare my life to now with gratitude rather than regret.
I wouldn't be here, in this body and psyche, healed, healthy, happy and whole, if I hadn't been forced to find out everything about myself.
I'm sure there's an easier way; but as my tagline says, I seem to learn best by doing things the hard way. Maybe it's time to change that too. I've finally learned that for me, change is fascinating and only adds to my library of knowledge. There really is nothing to fear. I might try a softer way. I am trying a softer way.
That old saying that wherever you go, there you are, rings true. And how you feel about that says everything about whether you're owning and honoring your own greatness or not.
Now, at last, rather than trying to run, I'm grateful for the company.