In the martial art of aiki-jujutsu, which I studied for a number of years, there's the concept of accepting the attack without resistance, resulting in a flow by blending with the other's energy. If you resist, you tense up, throwing off your timing and interfering with your ability to meet the attack with ease and in a state of relaxation. Then things don't go well. One of my favorite horse trainers, Mark Rashid, has written many times about how his study of aikido, an off-shoot of aiki-jujutsu, has improved his horsemanship, and his life. (I highly recommend his books. They're not about training, but about how he approaches horsemanship, and life in general. Great storyteller. You won't be sorry.) I was thinking tonight about how much that concept applies to what I've been noticing in my own energy. Instead of resisting things I don't want, I've been allowing them. Removing resistance from my experience or memory of them, and observing them from a state of acceptance. Not as in "that's okay, hit me again", but as in, "I see that this is happening. I'm going to allow it to happen without judging it and believing that it needs to be different in order for me to be happy." In allowing what I observe to unfold without resistance, I notice my ability to respond with emotional ease and agility has increased. For instance, I've known I wasn't ready until now to make amends to some people because I could feel that I still had an expectation of, "Okay, now I've apologized, your turn." I didn't want to approach anyone with that energy. I've finally reached a point where I'm ready to make my amends because I've accepted my part in the interaction(s), and I can freely clean up my side of the street without expectation of reciprocity; or even feeling that I need anything other than being willing and taking reasonable steps to make my amends, in order to move forward. With or without them. It's an on-going process which I still haven't mastered, but in general I'm feeling clearer and much more at ease. I can feel the relaxation in my entire body when I sink into that allowing state and own my part, without resisting what the other is doing. In other words, it really is "all good." When I remember to allow, and am not freaking out about work or something, I feel grounded, solid, and complete within myself, without regard to how anyone is or has behaved. I think my resentment and resistance towards various people had become part of my personality. Rather than feeling the momentary sting of something I didn't want, I strapped the hurt to me and carried it around like a shield. Finally dropping it on the ground and finding myself standing unarmed, so to speak, allows me to move and breath freely, responding as the moment or situation requires. I can feel a solid, physical strength at my core, much stronger than the false security resentment and resistance offered. I'll let you know how it all goes.