I got up at 5:45 for my usual meditative hour this morning. Then I was insanely busy from the moment I got the kids up for school at 6:45 until they went to bed (late) at 9:45. In addition it was hot, and I had to drive around without air-conditioning part of the time. I had a short break late afternoon after my brain just gave up the ghost. Too much detail work. Too many work phone calls, emails and texts.
It's really great that I'm busy, but it takes it's toll on me because I don't end my work day and get to do "whatever." I end my work day, pick up the kids, oversee homework, oversee picking up their room, cook dinner, oversee bed-time bath and teeth...It's just a lot. But certainly no more than most other working parents do. So I don't feel put upon, I just get tired. And sometimes even before I can feel the exhaustion, I get depressed.
I usually know it's depression brought on by exhaustion because it'll come after an otherwise decent day. It doesn't make it less real, but at least I know what the cause is. So I was sitting outside on my patio after the kids were in bed. Trying to fend off that awful crushing feeling in the middle of my chest by reading reddit's relationship advice sub. Always something entertaining there. Some of it is true, some not.
Today, a woman who'd recently moved in with her boyfriend wrote in. He likes to keep his apartment at about 85 degrees, and that's just too warm for her. (Understandably.) She asked him if they could turn the thermostat down and he wear warmer clothes. He refused, saying he should be able to be comfortable in his own home. She wanted advice of how to handle it. Of course everyone commented that the real issue was his unwillingness to recognize that it was her home too and try to come to some sort of compromise. One guy commented that the larger concern was that her boyfriend was a "giant fucking tool." I laughed out loud. He was, and though it was a fairly un-notable observation, it made me suddenly think that sometimes, it's OK to call a giant fucking tool a "giant fucking tool."
I'm always so careful about labeling people. It takes a lot to get me to call someone a name. I really have to be angry to curse at someone. Really angry. I always keep in mind that people are complicated.
No one is all good or all bad. I hate to label people (Unless they're crazy. Then I'll label) even in my mind. But, you know, I think sometimes the best thing you can do is call someone out, even if only to yourself, and acknowledge that, whatever finer qualities they may have, right now, they're being a "giant fucking tool."
Very freeing. I know I'll get to use it a lot. I can finally let the judgment demon out. Just for a few forays, to stretch her wings. So now you know. If someone's being unpleasant or annoying, I'll be looking at them thinking, "This person is being a giant fucking tool."