Whew. Interesting process. Just letting S go in my psyche. I knew he wouldn't be a good long-term romantic prospect for me for a number of reasons. But I do find him attractive, and I really like him and enjoy his company. And have seen enough of who he is that I truly care for him. That being said, I really didn't enjoy how he handled several things. (Let's also just say, up front, he clearly didn't care for how I handled things. That's a given. He's within his rights to like or not like me or how I interact with the world and with him. Won't reiterate that further.) I had really hoped to be able to develop a friendship with him. Honestly, I still don't know why that didn't happen. I know I didn't "do" anything to him. In fact, he mentioned more than once that I didn't deserve how he was treating me, and that he was being an "asshole." True that. But he's not inherently an asshole, which is why I couldn't, and can't understand why he took a such a strong stance against me. I tried to find out. He simply didn't want to talk about it. From some comments he made, I gather he decided something about me, based on things that had nothing to do with me and a lot to do with other women and how they'd behaved, and chose to run with it rather than find out more. I strongly sense that he'd rather be right than happy. The only thing he would tell me, very consistently, was that he felt that I was manipulating him, and that I "wanted something" from him, but he didn't know what. So crazy making. If someone really wants to think that, instead of inquire about the truth, there's just nothing you can do. I know that my position never wavered. I care about him, I enjoy his company, I'd like to spend more time with him because it makes me happy to do so. No hidden agenda. That's all I want. Even when I wasn't sure what I wanted, I said I wasn't sure. I don't know how much more open and honest I could have been. I actually almost unfriended him a few times. I found his anger and resistance so puzzling. Why not be kind? What about me brought out such defensiveness in him? It's to the point that he can't even have an easy, friendly exchange when I see him. Even that would have been enough. I suggested to him that he may want to look at himself to see if he perhaps was bringing something to the table that he was mistaking for my "stuff." I don't think he heard me. He was pretty insistent that this was all my doing. In a way, sure. I don't like being told to go stand in a corner. Or being accused of things I haven't done. I'm not just going to sit there and take it. And of course, I knew what the consequences could be if he didn't want to explore alternative ways of being. I'm glad I tried. I wish he had. I don't know. He probably did in his own way. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I knew I should just move on. I knew that. I just felt I owed him a chance(s). He didn't just unfriend me on FB, he actually made it so I can't see anything about him. I don't necessarily need to; it seems like such an extreme response. A lot of anger there. It would be easier if I deserved it. I'm not angry. I'm concerned, sad, puzzled, and looking forward to healing and putting my efforts towards those who appreciate all I have to offer. I just wish things were different. But they're not.