Last night's sunset (or the night before that.) Saw the same view three nights in a row.
The kids and I joined a gym. It's huge; in a former airplane hangar, and can be downright disorienting when it's full. which fortunately it isn't in the evenings. Busy, but not chaotic. The few times I'd been there before was for kids' birthday parties. Note to self: avoid going on weekends. I'm pretty busy with the horses and laying around in bed on the weekends anyway.
I'm seeing even more benefits from my regular meditation and journaling practice. It felt like really slow going for quite some time. Three years so far. But gradually, my attitudinal tide has shifted, and now I can barely recognize the sad worried creature who staggered into rehab determined to live, any way possible.
I know my personal journey will never end. And I'm thrilled with that. Emotional healing is addictive. Looking back now, I can see that I now worry a lot less, and I'm much more aligned with my goal of feeling the joy that the pure adventure being alive offers.
Most of the time I'm really happy. Sometimes quietly, sometimes it has a more animated quality. This job has been great for me, as it allowed me to work through blocks in my thinking about others having anything to do with my happiness. You know, they really don't. My lane has turned into a broad avenue. Much more difficult (though not impossible!) to get off-course these days.
Just this week a few events manifested that would have thrown me into a funk several months before. I dealt with them by mostly ignoring them and focusing on the many, many other things that were beautiful, strange, uplifting and fun to be a part of.
Why have I been giving so much of my attention, and therefore power, to those things I don't like all these years? There are so many things I do like. Sometimes, when I come across a particularly challenging situation or interaction, it comes down to thinking about puppies, or the lovely red-tailed hawks and ravens that seem to pop up everywhere I look. (I swear the bird kingdom has taken a special interest in me.) Whatever works, I say.
Drop by drop my attention to the beautiful is wearing away the walls of the prison I built around myself.
I don't know what's going to happen in the near or distant future. I don't need to know. I'm finally content with the perfection to be found in now. In all its flaws.