I used to think I'd meet someone who would "take me away from all this," emotionally speaking. But while I still believe a healthy partnered relationship can bring great joy, and I want one, I no longer have that niggling feeling I fought that said I'd be happier if "only I met someone."
I think whoever (plural? maybe, but probably not all at once, unless I have a personality transplant) is meant to be mine, will meet me right where I'm at, and that where I'm at is going to be a fabulous place. Because I've decided that's what I want. Because I can dream it. So it can be. Maybe that sounds like a lot of work. But it's not. The only work I need to do is to get out of my own way.
It's what I work on every day. Finding my blocks to creating my ideal world. And then looking for things I want to add to my ideal world. There's such great power in knowing yourself, and honoring yourself, and believing you're worth only the best.
I think everyone is, but we're so geared towards thinking it needs to come from outside. People need to give us "things" in order for us to have what we want. To tell us that we're worth it and we deserve it. That's back-asswards. It's the other way around. When you meet someone, you should be thinking, "Today is your lucky day, because what I'm creating is amazing, and you, you lucky creature, get to be part of it. And if you're here, I know I'm lucky too, because otherwise you wouldn't be here. Let's see what we can do."
There's the slight problem, if you want to call it that, of meeting people who show you contrast i.e. - what you don't want. Eh. Make a note and move on. Thank them for the info.
I feel incredibly centered. I can see my solid core of Universal perfection peeking through. That doesn't mean that I, K, the user interface, am perfect. I never will be. That's what makes life interesting. There's always something to do. Something to tweak.
But as I go about creating my world, I've become more and more pleased with it. I don't want to leave. Not while I'm in the middle of something interesting!
That doesn't mean I wouldn't move geographically, or move to an occupation that catches my fancy. It means that if I dream it, it's possible. I don't need to grab onto someone's coattails to find my ideal world. It's already here, wherever I go. Because I take my creation with me.
So, in a romantic partnership, it's more like a joining of two kingdoms. My realm and his realm. And where they intersect is where the borders blend, but never merge. I don't want someone who's creating the things I want. I want someone who's creating the things he wants. And we mutually admire the other's handiwork.
These days, when I meet people (in any walk of life) I don't fear what they might do to me, or hope for what they can do for me. I can do all that myself. I ask, and the energy that creates worlds answers.
Sometimes during meditation, I can feel the power of the planet coursing through me. On a quantum level, we're all made of the same stuff. That's what I love about nature. It's a beneficial thing to study. The Earth shrugs, and buildings come tumbling down. We're made of that exact same energy. Everything is.
The concept of humans being somehow subservient or subject to a "greater power" is so foreign to me, I can no longer abide even thinking about it. That doesn't mean I won't die in an earthquake, or be tossed off my horse, or be eaten by a mountain lion or something. This realm is full of surprises. But it does mean that the exact same energy that composes those beings, makes up my Being. How can I be less than? Or greater?
I've spent the last many months exploring my connection to that certain knowledge, and seeing what I can do with it.
I once related a dream I had, where at the end, the Surfer Dude said, "If you want to ride the big one, you have to go further out."
I'm going out there people. As far as I need to. I used to keep stopping to ask, "Haven't I gone far enough?" The answer was always, "Are you where you want to be?" I never was. I finally am. And I'm not. I'll never say, "Here, here is where I stop." Because I'll never be done creating. I'm waiting for the right fellow adventurer to join me. Together but apart. The most epic king and queen to ever ride the wave of infinite possibility.
Someone who can not only wrap his head around the concept, but show me new ways of expanding it. And vise-versa.
Now look, it's possible that I might be writing here in a year with my tale of psyche wards and medication (and you know I'd tell you.) But I don't think so. It's been a long, thoughtful journey. I've liked some of what I've seen along the way, and some I haven't. But I try to hold on only to the things I like. Why hold on to pain, resentment, fear, longing and self-doubt? That story never ended happily. Find the love people. Real love never hurts, only heals. And creates perfect worlds.