Fabulous meditation on the beach this morning. The little guy is with my ex right now. He wanted to borrow him for a couple of hikes today and tomorrow. I'm sure he'll have fun. But I miss him.
Today, let's talk about body image. I'm not a fan of talking about how I look. I especially never complain about being overweight. It's my philosophy that if don't like it, you should either do something about it or learn to embrace it. I decided that after listening to my morbidly obese mother talk daily about how much she hated being overweight, and often exclaim, "I've got to get this weight off." But never really do anything about it. A few weak attempts were made. It's fine to be overweight, just you know, stop talking about it already. Or decide not to be. And even then, less talk, more doing.
I've slowly gained quite a bit of weight over the last two years. And I neither embraced it nor did much about it. Or even realized just how much it was until I did. But recently a switch just flipped in my head and I started the "low-carb" thing last week.
I absolutely love it. I'd forgotten how well my body responds to it. I physically feel better, and I already like the way my clothes fit better too. The awesome thing about this is that I can eat as much of and whatever I want. As long as it's not carbs that don't come from vegetable. But I find the slower digesting protein and vegetables really keep me from feeling too hungry, so I'm not exactly chowing down. Not that I ever did.
I'm pretty sure I know what brought this on. I've gotten rid of a lot of emotional baggage over that last few years. I must have let go of enough excess that my psyche was ready for my body to respond accordingly.
Yes, I'm partly doing it because I want to date. (One man in particular, but I'm open to others if he's not into it. I won't have any hard feelings.) I'm attracted to relatively fit men who like to do a variety of outdoor activities. I like those things too. I want my body to reflect that, and I want to be able to do those things with ease. It's much easier when I'm fit myself. It's an upward spiral. And of course it's fun to look fit and healthy. I find it more attractive, so I certainly don't blame men who prefer fit and healthy women.
I'm also doing it for me. So I feel better. So I can move without carrying the equivalent of a 7 year-old around with me all day. I like how I look when I'm thinner. I find myself more attractive. Thinner fits better in my mind with "who I am."
So I finally decided to make my outsides match my insides. It feels really, really good to do something nice for myself.