Tonight's photo. Post kids-in-bed, pre-Santa duty.
I love Christmas Eve. I had friends (and my ex, for the kids' sake) over for fondue. Even though four of the seats were taken up by kids, it's nice to remember my dining table seats eight. I used to love throwing dinner parties. I love cooking and I love having people over. I even love watching others enjoy their cocktails. (I can't help but notice that my friends drink a glass or two, and then they're done. I've also noticed at other dinner parties I've been to recently that many people don't drink. Incomprehensible.)
I hate to go to bed. I want to sit in this anticipatory twilight for a while longer. Tomorrow the kids will wake up and see what's in their stockings. My ex will arrive and we'll open presents. We'll probably go to the beach and run off some sugar, then M and her boyfriend are coming for dinner...Then Christmas is over.
I always consider the week between Christmas and New Year's just a long wait until the end of another interminable year. Let's hope I have a different perspective next year. As much as I love Christmas, I always look forward to taking down the tree and getting started on a new year. A lot of changes this coming year. Some I know about, some I can guess at, and of course, some will be unexpected. I'm in a much better place to handle all of them.
But first, I'm going to wallow in Christmas. And be glad, as I think I've mentioned before, that for the first time in a long time, I feel complete as I am. There are people I miss. People I wish were more present in my life. But I finally feel at home wherever I am. Yeah, I hope they join me. But it feels more like I'm keeping a place at the table for when they show up, rather than waiting for someone to tell me the party can start.