Geez. Someone just came home and turned on their stereo so that it's echoing through the courtyard. It's loud enough that I could hear it from my bed AND Shazam it. (John Mayer. I don't hate him, but I don't purposely listen to him either.) Good thing I wasn't trying to sleep yet.
I was thinking about what to write. I'm noticing a lot of things as I sit around waiting for whatever's supposed to happen to happen. One thing I found interesting anyway was how I reacted to my ex coming over, yelling in my face (like six inches away) and generally being an abusive ass, most recently this Friday. Long story. Nothing I'd done wrong, and not a huge deal, he just disagreed with me about something to do with my son, and he very much dislikes it when I disagree. As he stood over me, all bug-eyed with spit flying out of his mouth, I noticed how not-engaged I was. I used to get very resistant to that behavior, as in, not wanting it to happen and allowing my energy to get all out of whack as I engaged with him through resistance. This time, I was truly able to watch him and observe without engaging with his energy at all. No resistance, but not trying to make him feel better either. I was calm and I told him to back off and leave if he couldn't stop yelling. He left. And I went about my day without thinking about it at all, other than noticing that I my internal reaction was so very different than it ever has been in the past. So I suppose that in sitting here waiting for something to happen, it already has happened. Paradox.