As I've mentioned before, every morning during my meditative hour, I ask what I should focus on that day. For today, the answer was "nothing." Focus on nothing. Don't hold on too much to any one emotion, notice it, and thoughts, and let them drift away. (I added an exception in there for work, but even there I tried not to hold to stuff for too long. Just enough focus to get the task done. It was a challenging day too, as far as dealing with one particular broker. Fortunately, I couldn't fret too much, because of the not focusing thing.)
You'd think that would lead to a quiet and calm emotional state. Not so much. I can't even really describe what I'm feeling. Lots of emotion, but it's not translating to my mind or body. It's like raw energy swirling around, waiting for something useful to come along.
I gave up on worrying about what friends/not friends/family were doing. In its place is a feeling I've had before, but not often. Just an upwelling of emotion. Like I know I'm alive, and I'm so excited about it that the form my life takes is less important than usual. It's just good to feel something, like a part of me knows what a gift the energy of emotion is. (Remember, tomorrow I'll probably have a different focus. Who knows what will come out of my head then.)
It's not bad. It's not good. I feel empty, but not in a dead way. I feel empty like after you've cleaned out your closets. Gotten rid of a lot of stuff, and neatly put away the remainder. Knowing there's room for more, but you don't want your closets to get into the same state they were before, so you know you'll be selective about what you buy and store. (I actually am that way in real life. Hate having a messy closet.)
I recommend trying it one day. Brace yourself for the unexpected. It's different than meditation, because you're actually going about your daily life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Not spending time thinking too much about what's going on in the present, not thinking about what other people in your life are, or are not doing, not worried about the future, no dwelling on the past.
See what comes up. I posted that funny vision of S. I don't know why. Wasn't going to share it because it seemed too silly. But it made me laugh, and I thought it was a funny snapshot of how my visual metaphors come to me. They often come with accompanying emotions as well. For instance, I could feel that S was quite pleased with himself, and I felt like I didn't want to admit the truth, but I had to, and he loved that I had to. I don't know what's going on in real life, but the vision amused me.
I'm going to spend the rest of the evening reading a book. All the emotion, none of it having anything at all to do with me. Vicarious living. I love a good story.