It was a beautiful day. Meditation and journaling in the morning. Fun mid-day with the kids. They were totally willing to clean their room with my help. I gave them the choice of cleaning or not. They said they'd like to clean it. But then, the day was so perfect for swimming, we went to the pool instead. (All the pools are heated now for the summer. I love the one my living area faces. Just right for family hangout time.) They clearly take after me.
I went to the horses after their Dad picked them up. I was walking down the aisle in the barn, with the horses poking their noses out to be petted, when I suddenly had the thought that in that moment in time, if I had all the money, and all the freedom in the world to do anything I wanted, I wouldn't want to do anything other than what I was doing right that minute. That doesn't mean I don't want to do other things too. Just that right then, I was in the perfect place for that moment in time.
The evening was so incredible. Slightly breezy and warm, with songbirds trilling everywhere. (One tiny little red-headed one hopped up on the rail just a few feet away and burst in very loud song. He has some lungs on him.) Hanging out with my dog and my horses I enjoyed the late spring light.
I did my chores, and thought about the fact that people have been doing these exact same chores around horses for thousands of years. Some things never change. That's somehow thrilling to me. Some things don't need to change.
I finished up with my chores and put both horses back home for the night. The Mister is very cheery these days with all the extra attention he's getting between lessons, a sponsor to ride him on trail, and extra turnouts as payment for me letting him be used in lessons (Groundwork only, no riders.) I felt good, the horses clearly felt good, my dog was thilled to get a few hours of off-leash country living.
Before I got in my car and left, I sat for awhile and watched the stars come out. And thought about how perfect so many moments in my life are. Adding up to one great life.
How many of these perfect moments do I miss when I'm preoccupied with things that aren't "perfect?" Because I've spent a great deal of time over the last two years noticing thoughts of anger, victimhood, resentment, anxienty and then deliberately releasing them. Releasing them wasn't easy at first. And sometimes I still have to fight the urge to devolve into a good complaining fit. I'm justified dammit!
But the ego boost isn't worth the price. Who cares? Look at what's in front of and ahead of me. Look at what I want, not what I don't want. In doing that, I see that I appreciate all of these perfect moments more. And that there are many more of them than I'd realized.
In meditation on Friday morning, I had a sense of what my life looks like. I could see a series of scenes constantly running across my vision. I saw that I have the choice about which scenes, whether in the past, present or future, that I choose to focus on. Why would I ever choose an unwanted or unhappy scene, when there are so many to choose from.
I've come to the point where I don't care how "right" I might be about a situation or event; if focusing on it makes me feel unhappy, I'm not going to think about it. Or I'll look at it in a new light and find something(s) to like about it.
These days, I'm changing my focus. I intend to focus only on the scenes of something wanted, and let the others fade to black.