I'd texted my ex yesterday that I finally had a job that would provide steady(ish) income. He didn't respond, which wasn't a big deal. Then, today, I was dropping the kids off and told him in person, thinking he'd be really excited. This affects him too, as the more money I make, the less he has to pay me. He was interested in that part, but he didn't respond with any kind of emotion. No "congratulations" or any sense of relief, happiness, best wishes, etc. Ugh. It totally reminded me of how joyless living with him was. I'm so incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to find my joy. It would have been really hard if I'd stayed with him.
I actually feel bad for him. I wish he'd take a look at why he's so unhappy all the time from an internal viewpoint. He thought I was the reason. I was holding him back from living life as he truly is, a hep cat with a city loft. He tried that. Still not happy. He left me. Still not happy (though I am!). He keeps thinking a girlfriend will help. (Just broke up with his last one.) Or if only he had this, or that. It's painful to watch, and hard to not to let his lack of positive response to my news start spinning old tales through my head.
I did manage to find my compassion. And my best wishes for his future. But I'm still struggling with resentment that he couldn't muster even a "that's great!" Feelings are funny.
But, the rest of the day was great! Another one. So no real complaints here.