Today's sunset. I almost forgot I'd taken one. Kids home for the holiday. Busy, but fun. Basketball, swimming, movie, and I even got some work in.
Today, the theme that came to me as I was writing in my journal was how to appreciate the dark as well as the light. Obviously, I wouldn't enjoy the many good things in my life nearly as well without the contrast.
So I set out to appreciate that my job gave me a clear direction to go, and a platform to get there. That I know what it feels like to be subject, whether voluntary or not, to someone else's ideas of what I "need" to be in order to make them happy. (Got that lesson a few times.) That I know what it's like to be paralyzed with anxiety about riding, once and again now, one of my greatest joys. That the thought of losing one or both of my children sounds so unbearable that I treasure their presence all that much more. You get the idea. It's not a new concept, but while others may have mastered it, I certainly haven't. Not yet anyway.
The balance I've been working on for the last year at least, probably longer, is how to honor the contrast, but remain focused on the desire? If I focus on the contrast, that's all I'll see. Even just wanting something can make me focus on the fact that I don't have it. It's tricky. I know what they say, but how to you achieve it?
I'm going with trial and error. My old standby. I don't know of any better way to do it, because you can't get inside someone else's head and see just exactly how they manifested something; whether desirable or undesirable. I think I'm getting some good results. I'm a much happier person these days. Focusing mostly on "what would be nice" rather than "why don't I have that? I deserve that."
So today's concept was a concept in motion. I'll need to study it further. It helps to write it here. Sometimes that gives me new ideas. We'll see. All in all, a quiet day on all fronts. But I enjoyed it. Mostly. I keep expecting something to happen, but I'm not sure what. Makes me slightly antsy.