Song of the day (below). No particular personal meaning. I just like it.
Quote of the day, "By doing nothing you're actually doing everything." - Abraham-Hicks.
Finally, someone validates both my methods and natural inclinations.
Actually, I like doing things. But I find that when I take the time to meditate and journal in the morning, and get in a good-feeling, balanced place, my whole day is frequently far more joyful. For sure, some event or interaction sometimes comes along that knocks me off my perch, but I'm getting better about not following that incident off a cliff and down into fear or resentment. Most of the time time.
On Saturday, I had to bring grain to the horses (along with a million other things; between baseball, school activities, a birthday party and the horses, I used an entire tank of gas this weekend, never going more than 20 miles from home.) I was relaxed and energized. I noticed that I easily carried that 50 pound bag up the hill and to my grain bin, without getting out of breath or feeling any muscle strain. What a difference state of mind makes.
I had a great time at work Friday. I completed many tasks that are important to the smooth operation of my company. And at the same time, I was and am enjoying my thoughts about what type of work environment I want. Without worrying (much) about the things I don't like. Actually, I'm finding it easier and easier to be pleased with the opportunity that I currently have to do work that I find easy, with co-workers who are awesome, and for pay that gives me some breathing room. And all those things I don't like, bother me significantly less. I'm choosing to stay where I am and do my job just as my boss would like me to. Strictly 8:30-5:30, no working from home, at least two people in the office at all times (that's a new one)...none of those requirements are unreasonable at all. They're just not my ideal work situation. Except that it is, in a way.
A friend messaged me today asking me what do l, at my soul-level want, in regards to working. It was a good time to ask that question, because actually, I do know what I want. And without this job, I wouldn't know so precisely what I do want. All the things I've said I didn't like about this job are really more questions to be answered than problems to be solved. Truth is, without the contrast of this job, I wouldn't be able to answer that question.
First, I do want to work. I like being out with people, working towards a common goal. Something about that is satisfying to me. I don't actually care that much which industry it's in. It's really more about how the environment is and conditions are than anything else. I like a lot of different industries. I would be very happy in many different types. But what do I really, really want?
For now I want to work part-time, for a reasonable salary; with the flexibility to work from home when necessary. The reason I want to work part time is because I have other things I want to do, that are also considered "work", but that would be stuff I'm doing just for me. Right now, I welcome the comfort of a steady job. So I'd happily work for an employer part of the time.
I want the same kind of great co-workers I have right now. I want my contributions and thoughts to be valued and valuable. I want people who are happy and energized in their work. Who are always looking for new ideas. I want a boss who's balanced and fair.
None of those things are crazy wishes. There are plenty of jobs that would fit those requirements. I'm grateful to be in a place that has some of them, and grateful to be in a place that has clarified for me some things that I want that I didn't know I wanted.
Another friend asked me tonight; if I knew I had a year to live, would I want to spend it where I am now? No. And the reason is because my boss, bless him, is so volatile. I've spent years trying to be okay with bosses who yell, who criticize (not always constructively), and who are never satisfied. Then keep giving me good reviews and raises.(Don't know if this will happen here.) I just don't want to deal anymore. Been there. Done that.
They say the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results each time. Well, for once, I'm not going to cling to the first job I find and tough it out. I'm going to seek out what I want, while also learning to enjoy where I am, irregardless of any outer conditions, good or bad. I'm well on my way. I do enjoy where I am. I do like my boss. As far as I'm concerned, he's free to go about this world as he sees fit. Really. I've released any desire to have him be any different than he is. But I've realized that it's okay to want something different for myself.
That's fair enough, right?
So I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. Looking forward to another opportunity to find the joy in right where I am. And looking forward to connecting with people who might help further my search for fulfilling my new expanded desires.
It's a never ending quest. I know I'll always find new things to want. That's what keeps life fun and adventurous. And I want to do it with a, "This is great! I think these new things I'm thinking of will be even better!" mindset.
It's a process. One that I'm grateful to have space to talk about here. I have a feeling you'll always see me finding something new, finding something about the new I don't like, and working through it. Hopefully on an upward trajectory, if not a straight line.