I applied to a temp agency today. I'd been meaning to get to it and finally did. I'll apply to others too, of course. I hope they can find gigs for me, because it would be perfect (I know, I say that about every job, because at the time, they would be). I can pursue those development consulting jobs, keep doing the commercial lending, and also pay my bills while I get everything else sorted. So tired of scrambling to pay bills each month. We're doing okay, consider expenses keep rising. So far so good this month. Though I fear we may lose our cable/internet for a couple of weeks. All of the other big bills are paid. We'll survive somehow. Books, for instance.
I'm waiting on a couple of commissions, and next week I'll go out and find more loans. Semi-steady income from temp work would give me room to breathe. And, I actually like temp work. You get to try a variety of things, and you meet new people all the time. I hope I don't run into the same problems getting hired for this that I have everywhere else. Over-qualified yet with no recent experience. Fortunately, the recent experience thing has changed now.
A year ago, I was reluctant to apply to temp jobs because I was afraid of getting stuck in them. (Though I did, and never heard back.) But, whatever issues I may have with my current employer, working for them has allowed me to meet people who want to work with me doing the kind of work I love. It makes temping seem like an attractive way to earn extra income, not a dead end at the end of all my schooling and experience. We'll see. I'm beginning to trust Life to work out more this days.
So weird. I was in my car earlier this evening, getting ready to leave to meet someone for coffee. I took a couple of minutes to neaten up the front seat, and while I was doing that, I heard, in my head, the song "The Crack Up" my Johnny Marr like it was playing out loud, and I suddenly missed S so much I almost wanted to cry. It's weird because it was so random. Of course I miss S. But he's busy doing other stuff. I wish he wasn't. But I'm not generally sitting around being upset about it.
Huh. Who knows where that came from. After that, I did listen to it. It really is a great song. It takes me back to two years ago. Those were some crazy times. I wouldn't do early sobriety again for anything, but it had its moments. And this song reminds of one of them. Listening to it reminds me of old me. I wouldn't go back to old me for anything either. But I'm fond of old me. I had a lot of stuff to get through, and I barely made it. I genuinely longed for death. I had my doubts for awhile that it would ever get better. But I kept at it, and being alive now is way better than I ever imagined it could be. (Job thing just a temporary blip on the radar right now.)
That's always going to be a tumultuous time in my memory. I'm glad S was there for it. He was one of the few good things about it. Life takes some interesting turns.