Informative post 3: Limits
Warning: The following text is for those 18 years of age or over. This is not, I repeat, NOT meant for minors. The following text presented is advice from personal experiences and shouldn’t be taken as gospel.
Ok, so, in the beginning, this was a podcast. However, I noticed I tend to ramble needlessly, going off on tangents and whatnot. In text format, I hope what I have to say will make more sense, and will allow people to come back and reference if needed.
We’ve covered some pretty important topics so far. Here’s one I feel is muy importante in regards to BDSM: Limits. While many people describe limits differently, I’m going to KISS this: Hard and soft.
Hard limits are the big list of DO NOT WANT. Both tops and bottoms have their own limits. These are things that, for the most part, may never be done to or done by anyone. A perfect example, in my case, is I will never penetrate skin with needles, and I will seriously injure anyone who tries to do the same.
Now, that’s not to say it will always BE like that. Over time, I may want to do needle play (but don’t count on it). It’s the same with other people as well. They may relax their hard limits due to many factors, namely education and trust. I’ve known several bottoms who HAAAAATED to be tickled, and it was a hard limit. However, after seeing me play in public, give demos and put on discussions about tickling in BDSM, and because of my reputation, they relaxed their hard limit on tickling and let me have fun.
Often times, when a hard limit is reconsidered, it becomes a soft limit. These are things that some will do/have done to them based on various factors, with trust, again, being at the top of the list. Other factors may be due to mood, or because of their professional life (especially for play that leaves lasting marks/bruises).
So, if you’re brand new, how do you discover limits? Internet! There’s lots of reference materials you can use that will help you discover certain terminology and methods of play (a sample list can be found here: http://www.bdsm-education.com/checklist.html ). BDSM porn can also be a valuable resource to kind of gut check yourself and see if the activities turn you on or not. While it is not perfect, it can help set a baseline until you’ve had more time to see, observe, and experience things firsthand.
Well, there we have it for now! Next article will cover a little about etiquette.