still choosing between vanderbilt and wash u but i'm pretty sure i'm going to vanderbilt. it's weird bc back in september i never even thought if attending any school besides uchicago and now i'm really excited about going to vanderbilt. this entire process has taught me a lot, as cliche as this sounds.
i'm still visiting washu tho next week bc i already signed up to visit but yeah i don't think the school's for me.
i'm going to prom this year which is pretty interesting, i don't really like the people that consider me as part of their friend group, but the truth is they're not the problem: i am. it's my own excessively judgmental nature that's going to screw me over in the end. I don't think i'll be able to get close enough to anyone to actually want to enter a romantic relationship with them.
Seeing everyone get asked to prom and get dates is kind of depressing because it makes me question why I can't. I wouldn't say I'm ugly or unattractive like i know my skin is bad but overall I'm okay. I think it has to do with me being really distant from people in conversation. My friend has said I go from super passionate to off in La La Land in 30 seconds and I guess that's a control mechanism related to my whole issue of getting close to people. Idk it would be nice to be wanted though.