Because polyamory is sometimes code for "relationships don't end, they just mutate," one of my 'exes' is still a member of my family and sort-of still my hubby's boyfriend, to the extent that they still have date night once a week. So tonight hubby comes up at quarter to ten and relates the following. My ex and his dad are thinking about taking a week vacation to A Popular Destination Small City. But a friend of my ex's who lives there has said "oh don't vacation here, it's deadly dull, there's nothing to do except yada yada." So my hubby is asking on my ex's behalf if I could chat with my ex about this, because I have been to Destination City and might have opinions.
And I'm like "Tonight?" And hubby is like "If you can."
No. No I can't. I know my ex too well. His friend's information has stressed him out and he's going to want to talk about it in depth. It won't be sufficient to say, "Oh, bollocks, neither you nor your father needs constant entertainment anyway, and you both get tired quickly, and you'd both enjoy the thing you friend says is the 'only thing to do there,' AND he's wrong, there are at least three other half-day activities you can do, which is more than enough for a week's trip."
I mean I can SAY all that, but what my ex really will want to do is turn that information over and over in his mind and ask me to reiterate it in six different ways. Because he's a worry wort and planning a vacation, for him, is like planning a military campaign. One can't just go somewhere, hang out, and discover what there is to do, and be pleasantly surprised by it all. One has to set goals and then, most likely, change plans seventeen times in search of optimizing the daily regimen. Because God knows spontaneity doesn't work.
And at quarter to ten? No. No no no.
I mean I don't really want to have this convo at all, but definitely not right before bedtime. No.
This isn't a post about my ex. This is a post about me having learned how to set reasonable limits. Sorry. I deal with people all day. The end of the evening is ME TIME.