It happened. I was stupid.
Well, in my mind at least.
I could sharply recall feeling her bump against me twice.
God, I miss her.
It's nearly impossible to get over how much I love her.
I'm delusionally hopeless.
I expect the utterly impossible,
and somehow am let down when I do not find
it has happened or has even been close to happening.
My mind plays tricks on me, too.
"She's talking about you. Her eyes look into them. Now."
Then I confound myself because I just want to stare and
admire her smile, her dimples, a laugh, her soul.
I am a complete love fool. Yet since I cannot be that aloud,
I must do so in disguise. I must learn to hold in my feelings better.
It feels too easy to continue admiring her through a glass pane,
surreptitiously spying her through a reflection.
I think I could fall in love again, with her reflection.
The Greeks would have likened her to a Medusa of Love.
You cannot stare into her eyes without falling in love.
Or at least I know I cannot.
I am simply watching her sleep now, and I even find this completely magical.
Back to the real world today though.
Today is my last day in NY. I have done nothing, but spent everything.
Still I didn't think it would go this quick, the time. It was depressing.
I don't regret coming though. I needed this.
Back to H, to studying, to loving life loudly,
to recalling Celeaste occasionally,
to forgetting pain eventually.
At least...At least I did what Fanua recommended and I promised myself,
"I played it cool."
Well, Happy Thanksgiving, Reader.
I pray that God blesses you in your peace and endeavours.