There are a few things I hate to complain about
and since I have literally no one else to talk to,
I will complain here.
It was depressing. The last three hours I saw her were fucking depressing.
The whole stay. It was fucking depressing.
I only found out more about her boyfriend she never told me about.
I don't understand.
I don't think ever I'll understand why she blatantly hid him
from me. It just feels shitty.
I feel shitty. I fucking hate that I figured out only because I
face-book stalked her. Why? What do I really do other than make myself more
depressed about her. I don't know how to stop. Cold-turkey (hah)?
I've tried but failed that way.
Why is love so hard to have with someone?
Is it that powerful that you should only find it few and far between people?
I felt even more terrible because I had to carry my 50lbs luggage
(I took my turntable for Jasmine) from Brooklyn across its bridge, walk through Chinatown
just to get to my bus because I ran out of money. This took the worse of 2 hours.
The worst part? Well, besides feeling like Sisyphus, my wheels gave out and I had to drag my ruined suitcase the rest of the way to my dorm.
Still, even though I broke down on the bus and started crying.
Even though I thought about killing myself because the people in the world
around me seemed so utterly intrigued in documenting the world
to share with friends who could really care less about the sight they saw
and not with helping me at all. No.
I deserve that. I would've just liked one person.
one single person to ask me if I'm okay, need help, am lost, or something.
One person could've smiled and I don't think I would feel half as shitty.
I think I've been projecting my negative emotions onto everything...
Good things: being high, seeing Celeaste, talking to Jasmine, eating, warm bed, etc.
I dreamt about a dog being here with me. It was extremely comforting.
Anyway, I'm done complaining for today.