Continuing to be friends with someone after you tell them you want to be more than friends
Its so hard to hide how constantly Embarrassed you are when it comes up in conversation between you two.
Its also hard when your lonely mind wanders to back to places you know you will never go.never.ever. go. Stop doing that yourself.
Its hard when you get fired from your job when you're already broke and he tries to comfort you. He is holding you because you're sobbing. You want to sink in like it was father or brother comforting you, but you're afraid of your wandering mind
Its hard when is life is falling apart and you want to help him, but you don't know how. He says you do enough, but do you really think it is? No.
Its hard when he constantly calls you ugly and stupid so its easier to hate him.
Its so fucking hard when he shows you his shoe box of possessions and he explains how everything in there is a reminder. He show you two envelopes with his name on it. He tells me "these girl went crazy falling in love with." After he explains what they did he says in a hushed and serious tone "this is what I meant by I have seen what it does to friends, I can't give you what you need."
What's not hard is when he is still your best friend and life will go on no matter what. Feelings will be changed and changed again.