Late night again, the thoughts come back. What, I know. Who, I know. When, I'm fairly certain. How, I can put together. Why; supposedly it's just how things go, how things is, no real explanation except the dizzyingly unsatisfying "it wasn't meant to be."
All it does is how little control we have over any of it. How little it matters what you want. What you think you need.
And although I can learn again what I need, and discover that it is not him, in the cold night? It's just a cold night. And my bed is cold. I don't use the other side anymore. I did and it was perfect. But now it's just cold. Last time around the sun, I had some warmth in cold nights and the beginning of fire. Didn't last tho.
If you can go back in time exactly a year, would you tell yourself to do things differently? If you know the answer, great. Here's a different question: what if you don't know the answer?