Note: This may seem stupid, but its honest.
This isnt really any of my work....
just some thoughts.
I have illnesses that are serious, both mentally and physically... And they dont play well with others.
I worry what will happen if i continue to not get treatment and help for them... I worry what wont happen if i do.
I fear ill never reach my full potential as a writer... Or that i have reached it and i just suck.
I hope that one day ill believe in love and how it can heal your soul.
I dream about horrors that no one should ever imagine.
I worry that theres more i could have done to save my mother.
I fear ive let her and everyone else down.
I hope i can become a better person than i am now.
I wish that my dreams were far less real than they feel... For they seem hell-bent on killing me from the inside out.
I worry that people can see how damaged i am, and how unwell my mind can get.
I fear crowds, and i dont like physical contact.
I hope that one day i wont dislike it so much.
I wish i could forget about the things that happened when i was little, so that i can let go and finally live in the now.
I fear the thought of the present even more so sometimes than the future... And "the future freaks me out" (thats a title to a "motion city soundtrack" song from back in the day... Its good and you should check it out)
I hope to one day be more organized and be less of a procrastinator.
I worry about my dad.
I dream.... And i cant wake up. I can never seem to wake up.
I wish my body didnt hurt so bad, and that i could make my health problems vanish.
I fear ill never be able to carry on a conversation with someone without letting a little of the chaos inside my skull slip into my words.
I worry ill always be this way.
I hope that one day i wont be.
I wish i could walk out of this house, that is not a home, and never look back at this place, this town, or my past.
I worry about killer clown invasions and the surely soon to be certain zombie apocalypse.
Now i worry about killer clowns turning into zombies.
I wish my brain wasnt so weird.
I hope that im not as boring as i feel.
I worry that there will never be a cure for the illnesses i have.
I fear the cure they find for the illnesses i have.
I wish cancer wasnt a thing.
I worry about my cat getting older.
I hope that one ill look back on my life and smile.
I fear ill never achieve greatness.
I worry that if im ever in a plane crash that ill end up in the ocean and have to fight a shark.
I fear sharks.
I wish i wasnt so fascinated by the things i fear.
I wish i was more rational.
I hope i find adventures.
I worry ill never get to travel the world.
I fear my own mind.
I wish i was strong enough to live life to its fullest.
I worry ill never have kids.
I fear one day i will have children.
I hope my kids never have to fear killer zombie clowns.
I hope i would be a good mother.
I worry i wont be.
I fear ill be like my father.
I dream ill be worse.
I hope i made my mother happy.
I worry i wasnt enough.
I worry im still not enough.
I hope im not too much.
I wish i could show people what its like inside my head.
I worry one day they'll finally see.
I fear what would happen to me, and them, if they ever do.
Does this mean anything to you?
Im not even sure it does to me.
I want to be understood,
But i dont want anyone to see.
I worry about things,
Things that make no sense at all,
And i obsess over details so meaningless,
Like if cracks are considered on or in a wall.
I dont make sense,
I know that for a fact.
For the minute i find a rhythm,
My mind changes both tempo and tact.
Im not the best at anything,
No one has to tell that is true.
But i swear that im trying,
And i promise that its more than some will do.
#ellowrites #ello #worry #writer #poet #poetsofello #poetry #rhyme #neurotic #odd #writersofello @ello @ellowrites #random