I've been hard at it for months. Every day, wake up, jump start my enthusiasm with caffeine, make calls, pound the pavement, find customers, excite customers, spread enthusiasm, keep trying, try harder. Break the mold, be your own boss. I work sun up to sun down, and then on to bedtime. I guess my body finally had enough.
I woke up frozen in a slump of self doubt. Artists call it writer's block. Unable to move. Unable to plan. Unable to do the thing I constantly tell others is so easy. You sit your butt down at your desk and work. Maybe it was too much. Maybe I was trying too hard. No. I refuse to believe it. There's no such thing as too hard. But there are definitely days when the crash comes.
I can't be mad at myself though, nobody said being a self-starter would be easy. As much as I used to hate these days, I've become fond of them. They offer time for self reflection, for thoughts and ideas to form in the background. For research. Read and listen to what others are doing. Try something new.
It started with a list. I planned exactly what I'd like to accomplish tomorrow, with a time line. I cleaned my desk. I thought about who I am and where I want to be. I bought myself a drink.
Tomorrow will be better. Just doing something has changed today's status quo. I no longer need to look for my motivation. It found me all on its own.