Feeling vulnerable tonight, and ello oddly feels like the place to say this out loud.
It is hard and scary to be the sole-provider for a family of four — especially as an entrepreneur. Ever since I was 10, I wanted to serve people by helping them tell their stories through design. I'm now 30, and I genuinely don't know how we're going to pay rent next month. Starting a new business with no savings is pretty dumb, but when you have no options, dumb begins to look pretty smart.
I have spent the past two years working for other companies in order to help make ends meet, but something I've learned is that I am always more committed to folks than they are committed to me. This works well in marriage and with kids, but damn does this suck when your livelihood is at the mercy of one company that you really don't have an influence in... So, it's back to running my own business.
I am exhausted. My bones ache. My mind is in a haze. Days and nights blur together. This is not how I thought life would be right now.
Having a mentor or two during this season would be pretty great, honestly — Someone with whom I can rely on and who will reach out to me challenging me to grow. I don't know how to rectify my core belief that story is king and that tools become much less necessary because in this case, guidance in business is pretty paramount.
Posting this on ello feels a bit like sending a message into the infinite abyss, but maybe it will resonate with you.